Big Ring: So…tell us about your site www.utahcylingtabloid.blogspot  WTF is it all about?
L’Autobus: Its about cycling, Utah cycling to be exact….I’ve been put on a quest to liven things up. It came to me on a training ride, I was deep in the pain cave, half way through a set of 5×5x5’s when the cycling Gods spoke. They told me “There is drama in the peloton” and that I should expose it…”Go forth with cut and paste photos and your prying eye, create a blog that is just and untrue”.  So now I have this blog, every week I’m posting all the juicy details about the Utah race scene and participants… you wouldn’t believe what I’m hearing or who’s saying it… somebody might get a douche bag link from time to time but I’m not throwing anybody under the team bus. I’m just pointing out to everyone whats clearly there to see, its just bike racing and if you can’t laugh at yourself, you’ll be the only one not laughing. 

Big Ring: Why is your identity not being revealed? Can you give us a hint?
L’Autobus: Isn’t it more fun that way? does Kim Kardashian know who’s dishing her dirt?..nope, she just watches it on Entertainment Tonight… L’Autobus is to Utah cycling as Perez Hilton is to Hollywood, except not gay… that reminds me, so were racing across the causeway saturday, my boyfriend turns to me a says “this taste familiar”… anyway what a race.

Big Ring: What can we expect in the future from you?

L’Autobus: More of the same, I have my people in the field, gathering intel as we speak. Really L’Autobus is constantly evolving or regressing depending on how you look at it. It is an entity like in the movie Akira, assimilating with everything in its path.
 
Big Ring: Who is your favorite Utah road cyclist?
L’Autobus: Right now its Sleevie, he rides the bike with panache, last week it was Sohmy, next week it’s either Dave Cole  or Dustin Thiel.

Big Ring: Do you consider yourself “Big Ring”?
L’Autobus: I don’t even have a little ring, what do you think!

Big Ring: When we see “news happening” where should we send it?
L’Autobus: Shoot it into my inbox, Lautobus411@yahoo.com I never reveal my sources..so go ahead snitch on the peloton.

Big Ring: Any parting words for the members of the congregation?

 L’Autobus:  All you road nerds think you’re so cool with your carbon wheels, CTS coaching programs and power meters, when I come spinning by in my girlfriends pants and lay a wicked skid, you’ll know who’s got the watts then. 47×13 fixed bee-otch!
 

Cadel looked good today as well. Where was Astana? Stage racers only I guess. I can only imagine what a leg crusher the Mur de Huy must be if those guys are grinding like that. Enough wattage to power a fleet of hippies in Prius’ on Earth Day.

53:11

-Ivanov at Amstel. When Putin says “You must win”, you must win.
-BMC at Battenkill. Hard men win hard races.
-Sauser at Sea Slaghter. 4 minutes? Dude….

Not

-Theo Bos, how can you say that was not on purpose with a straight face?
-Tyler, dude….
-Rock Racing firing Creed, Baldwin, and Grajales.  Circling the drain in $300 pants….

In the mens race I think Lars Boom is the man to beat. Based on Sven’s crying Lars is at least winning the head games at this point. Albert is kind of a question mark after coming back from a ruptured spleen but he is young and youung guys tend to bounce back pretty quick. As for the Americans, Page has broken ribs but he needs a great ride here to salvage the season. Trebon, big motor, big baby, I really hope he can pull his head out and do the ride he is capable of for a change. I would love to see him uncork one and have Wells come up with yet another nickname for him.

In the womens race Katie Compton will push the Biggest Ring this year. I only wish I was gonna be at the finish to give Hanka a shoulder try cry on. Rachel Lloyd has been getting faster each week and a podium for her is not out of the question.

Congregation, what say you?

Iggy and The Stooges – Raw Power
Iggy Pop was punk before there was punk. Featuring the Ron Ashetons (RIP Brother) thundering guitar this album will get you amped for you next interval session guaranteed. To complete the early 70’s Detroit sound, throw on the MC5 “Kick Out the Jams”. Not for the faint of heart.

Soundgarden – Louder Than Love
Before Chris Cornell ruined Soundgarden with lame ballads. The laid down the heaviest album to come out of the entire “grunge” scene. Epic sprawling songs are perfect for those long tempo/climbing efforts. When this album came out it would have been impossible to predict the horrors of Audioslave that would come. Oh well, at least we have proof that Chris Cornell wasn’t always such a flaccid mangirl. Which brings us to…

Rage Against The Machine – Take your pick
Killing In The Name, Bulls On Parade, Bombtrack. There really is not a bad Rage song. The best way to play this one is to load every Rage CD into a multidisc machine and hit random. Sadly Zack De La Rocha left the band due to “creative differences” which, when compare his post Rage work with his former band mates was his way of saying, “you dudes have gone soft, De La Rocha gots to BOUNCE!”.

Beastie Boys – Pauls Boutique
With more samples than Whitmans, the boys from NYC crafted a record so funky that a doctor can legally declare you dead if you dont get a dip in you hip when you listen to it.

Nashville Pussy – Let Them Eat Pussy
All the songs are short and fast. The perfect record for sprint training. This band is the sonic equivalant of swatting a fly with a sledgehammer. BTW if they come to your town YOU GO!

Tool – Aenima
Every once in a whil I just want to get on the trainer and grind away. This album makes the time fly as you lose yourself in the sonic portrait painted by Maynards lyrics and heavy bass of Justin Chancellor.

Frank Zappa – Hot Rats
A mostly instrumental album this one is also good for just zoning out. This is Franks first solo album and one of the greatest guitar recods of all time. “Peaches en Regalia” is one of Franks signature pieces, the album also features super long jams with Jean Luc Ponty and the vocals of Captain Beefheart. Beautiful work by the Eddy Merckx of music.

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Little Ring
- Trek, the great American bike maker, gives a big FU to it’s American riders. Weak.
- Sven Nys asking his fellow Belgians not to stab him in the back at Worlds like he did to Mario De Clerk in 2000 when he sat on to give Dutchman Richard Groenendaal (his trade teammate) the win. Just ride man….
-Boom may miss the Dutch Champioships as a result of an infected elbow.

Motivation can be hard to come by as the days get short and the temps drop. Now is the real test to show what you are made of. Brother Merrill understands this. The Big Ring does not turn itself. Each revolution is a testament to your conviction. Now it is all about fine tuning the form for whatever your end of season goal is. The hay should be in the barn at this point. Base miles and threshold work are now replaced by power starts and hot laps at your fav training course to hone your fitness to a sharp carbide peak. We must be vigilant Brothers and Sisters! Everything you dreamed and imagined for yourself this season is right there waiting for you to take it. Not getting lapped by the A’s, beating your buddies, State Champion, National Champion? It is there for you to grab. The Big Ring helps those who help themselves. Go forth and prosper.

53×11

This past Sunday saw the AZ ‘Cross Series return to Payson for race number 5. I arrived at the race venue early in order to help set up and as a result, I got my entry fee covered. The course incorporated sections of the course that was used for race number one as well as a ton of new stuff. The new sections included a 4 stair run up and some very tight, twisty turns through a picnic table area. There was also a very tight straight-away in which you rode between a barb wire fence and some very prickly shrubbery. The course included 3 barriers; two in a flat section, and one at the bottom of a very soft and steep run up.
The course was had extremely loose conditions. It was made up of very soft and loose decomposed granite, with a short section of asphalt. The looseness of the course was exemplified by my crashing on one of my pre-race laps. This fact did not instill much confidence for the race in me.
As usual, I lined up to start the Cat 4 race. As unusual when I lined up, I was wearing a different helmet as my usual devil horned one. I decided that I needed to bring more goofyness than my usual to this race, and lined up on the line with my “dreadlock” helmet on. The “dreadlock” helmet has sections of about 2ft. long road tubes super glued to its exterior. This gave me an even more insane look than my usual simple devil horns.
Upon being released by the start command, my race flew through the asphalt section and onto the gravel. Air was caught by me and many of the other racers at the transition from pavement to dirt. Once on dirt, it was onto the section of 2 barriers in the flats and then up a small rise, steeply down the other side, and into a sandy 180 degree turn and into the steep run up. From there it was around the perimeter of a softball field and into the very tight and twist section through the picnic tables that also include the stair run up. Then it was into the section between the fence and the shrubbery and then up another very loose climb. After a straight-away descent, the course crossed a concrete walking path and then launched you up a small rise and then into a wide, descending 90 degree turn with a small drop on it’s apex. From that point on it was back on to asphalt and through the start/finish/pit area. Each lap was approximately 1.5 miles and 5 minutes.
The extreme looseness of the messed with my head immensely and because of this, I stopped in the pits in the middle of my race and switched from my ‘cross bike to my mountain bike. Even though the mountain bike is 7 pounds heavier than my ‘cross bike, I was still faster on it because of the terrain.
I finished in a respectable 5th place and my teammate Tim won his first cross race. So a Big Ring shout out to him for his victory.
The men’s open race was full of insanity from the start. While on the line, a $10 prime was offered to the winner of the first lap. The catch to this was that the rider had to grab the money and if he dropped it, it would go to whoever could pick it up. I countered this with an offer of a free PBR to the rider who finished DFL on the lap as well as in the race. The first lap was won by my buddy Tim “The Future” Allen, who unfortunately later in the race ended up breaking his frame. The winner of the previous four races win streak was broken at this race because of mechanical difficulties. In the end, it was Travis McMaster of Mafia Racing who crossed the line first.
So that’s my report for this week. Race number 6 is just a week away as the series returns to Phoenix. Until next time, keep it in the big ring.

-Brother Lee