I wonder if I can rig one of these to zap me next time I try to pull into a parking garage with my bike on the roof rack?

The silver lining for ramming my road bike into a low parking garage is the fat insurance check I am receiving will be going towards a sick, sick cross bike.  I am pouring over race schedules and planning the use of my sick days.  BTW if you are going to be at Cross Vegas look for us.  We will be there spreading the gospel.

I can’t seem to get the video to embed properly (my web master is MIA)  so if you want to see a sweet ‘cross movie click the link below and donate to the maker who BTW is 14.  If this kid has a budget I can only imagine what he would be capable of.  Plus it just plain warms my heart to see someone so young taking such a good life path.

Little Belgium

Here in the 801 we have the Tour of Park City on Sat. It is 170 miles with a shit ton of climbing starting at the 120 mile mark just for fun. Normally I would not even consider such nonsense, but such is the state of my pre season and my desperation to get some fitness for ‘cross. (the real season) That plan came to a violent end yesterday when I drove my road bike into a parking garage. Oh yeah, I have sinned. My pennance will be a 6 hour solo MTB ride on Sat. I hope to find some clarity as to why the gods have punished me so. Then again I do get to ride so maybe the punishment won’t be so bad, especially when I get the insurance check. Still trying to wrap my head around the whole thing.

Anyway here are the official Big Ring awards for le Tour:

The Chuck D Don’t Believe The Hype Award:  The run away winner here is Alejandro Valverde. After scaring the hell out of every one at LBL and Dauphine many (me included) thought he would run wild in France.  His Stage 1 V did little to dispute that prediction.  What no one saw coming was his meltdown on the Hautacam which truely put him in the Segway category of can’t miss, idiot proof, predictions that did miss. Adios podium!

Cippo Who?/Petacchi is a Pansy Award: Former ballroom dancer (?) Mark Cavendish sashayed across the finish line to the tune of 4 stage wins.  Ya, he didn’t make the Last Tango in Paris, but he is only 22 and his best years and a Green jersey are coming. 

The Wedding Crashers: I am sure when ASO invited Garmin/Chipotle they were thinking they were a novelty act with a strong anti drug message that would sit quietly in the pack and stay out of the way of the “real” racing.  Vaughters and Co responded like Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn cutting in line at the open bar.  Had it not been for an untimely crash Vande Velde might have run off with the new bride and the keys to the honeymoon suite.

The WTF? Award: Bernard Kohl was not a name I heard anyone mention as a podium contender, yet after 3 weeks of wondering when he will come to his senses and crack he never did.  Honorable mention to Stefan Schumacher for proving his 1st TT win was no fluke by going out and winning the 2nd one as well.  Seriously WTF?

The Big Ring Award: The whole CSC team wins this one.  Sastre got to stand on the final podium but the selfless riding of the entire CSC team got him there.  The damage Cancellara did on the Alpe d’Huez stage was jaw dropping.  Schleck 1 and Schleck 2 were nails in the mountains.  Frank Schleck could have just as easy ended up in Yellow that day but Sastre made the move that Cadel didn’t follow.  Bad for Cadel, good for Sastre and CSC.

I think Cadel is going to lose.  He put 1:20 on Sastre in the first TT and now he is 1:34 behind.  Sastre is not terrible against the clock.  I think he will ride the TT of his life and hold off Cadel.  Nice try Cadel but I think you rode too defensive and are a little over confident in your TT.  I guess we will see.

I Cadels defense he kinda had to just follow wheels since he had zero team mates on any of the final climbs.  If he wins this tour he will be lucky.  Lotto has to shell out some $$$ and get him some help in the mountains.  Horner did a much better job last year than Popovich has done for Cadel this year.  They should have kept Horner around for another year.  Lotto has failed Cadel and failed McEwen for that matter.

Vande Velde, damn that crash yesterday.

Didn’t get the flurry of attacks that I was hoping for today.  Sounds like Schelck #2 again Big Ringed the final climb and did manage to put the hurt on Menchov and Vande Velde.  Tugh luck for the Burrito boys today with Vande Velde crashing, I wouldn’t count him out yet though.

I guess it makes sense that Riis didn’t have the lads go berzerk today with another big day tomorrow.  I really hope that he has Sastre and Schleck #2 start some fireworks tomorrow.  It is not that I don’t like Cadel I just want to see him throw down for once.  Even Big Mig would attack and go for stage wins.  Remember the flat stage into Liege when Bruyneel sat on his wheel for 60k and sprinted at the line?  Anyway make a race of it Cadel.

Poor Cadel is going to learn to late that you can’t wear yellow in Paris by following.  Good God man just attack for a change!  At least ry to win the damn thing.  I guess no one ever told Cadel that to win you have to risk losing. I think he really dodged a bullet when Menchov crashed and they waited for him(which was a classy move).  Otherwise I think he would have got popped sooner and lost a lot more time than he did.  I also think he is banking too much on the final TT as he did not take much time out of Menchov or Vandevelde in the first one.

I was so hoping Pate could pull of the W.  Garmin/Chipotle has certainly pushed The Big Ring proving they deserve to be at the big show.  Podiums by Frishkorn, Millar and now Pate. Vandevelde continues to impress and has a real shot at winning the whole damn thing.  I am off for Le Burrito.

Because you have doped,
cursed are you among all animals and among the peleton;
upon your belly you shall go, and dust you shall eat
all the days of your life.

COTBR: Have you accepted The Big Ring as your personal savior?

DZ: Uh sure man.

COTBR: Is it true you’ve used your unique time trialling abilities to occasionally rob stagecoaches or is that just a viscous rumor started by some fruitcake who thinks you look like the infamous “Black Bart”?

DZ: It’s just a viscous rumor.

COTBR: Congrats on making the Olympic Team. Do you think Chipotle will roll out a General Tso’s burrito in honor?

DZ: I doubt it but you never know.

COTBR: Does DZ Nuts work for diaper rash as well?

DZ: I haven’t tried it but someone did and said it worked.

COTBR: The safe route database at Yield to Life is a great idea. How are you compiling that? Are you taking submissions from other riders?

DZ: We are trying to talk to bicycle coalitions from each state to help gather the information. We welcome submissions from riders. Please email your questions and comments to yield2life@gmail.com. We would love to hear from you.

COTBR: Any plans to race ‘cross?

DZ: Not at the moment but someday I think I will.

COTBR: I heard a rumor that your Olympic training involves eating weeds and jumping in raging ice cold rivers. Whats up with that?

DZ: Yes I’m sure my neighbors thought my yard was just full of weeds but the other day my massage therapist pointed out that some of them are edible so now I sit out there and eat them while the others are spraying weed killer on perfectly good food. The river thing— was riding and ran into Burke and he said wanted to go up Millcreek canyon and soak in the river, I said sure. The water is snow runoff so it’s ice cold and I screamed like a little girl for the first couple of minutes but after that we sat there for a good 20 minutes and the next day the legs felt great so now I try to hop in there every now and then. It’s an interesting spot for me to go and try to heal because it’s the exact spot where I was hit by a car in 2003.

COTBR: What is on your iPod these days?

DZ: Hannah Montana.

COTBR: Which Grand Tour has the best schwag?

DZ: I’d say the vuelta. You get a pretty cool t-shirt.

COTBR: Do you think leisure suits will make a comback?

DZ: I’m not sure what those are. I’d say yes though.

COTBR: Jimi or Stevie Ray?

DZ: Oh man that’s a hard one. I’d say Jimi for the mood I’m in now.

COTBR: What would you be doing if you were not a pro cyclist?

DZ: I would like to be a professional gamer or something to do with super heros.

Tune in next week for part II